Casual dating as a way to explore attachment programing

This year one of my mentors proposed for me trying on an experiment. What would I learn about myself if I tried on casual dating ? If I played with polyamory and ethical non monogamy ? What could I learn about my own desires? Wants? Needs? Boundaries ?

Would having a space to try on dating at a conscious level help me practice having difficult conversations ?

How would I do when faced with conversations I didn't want to have ? That others didn't want to have ?

How would I deal with rejection? Another's no. Another's boundary ? Would I be able to not take it personal ? Not make myself wrong that another human had their own needs and desires that didn't include me ? Could I learn rejection really is less about me and more about what the other party may be going through or need ?

What do I want from partnership? What even is partnership? How much do others reciprocate and what do I need to feel like I am treated with respect ? How do people show up for me when I am really watching ? How do I show up ... When I don't think they are showing up for me ... How I want ? How I need?

Do potential partners show up as curious , interested , sincere and genuine and want to talk about , experience and play in the human experience of relationship or do they want to project their fears and run? What do I do when that happens?

What if they want me in ways I don't want them? How the heck do I have those conversations ? How do I say. ... Hello fellow human over there .. I am not attracted to you... That way. Or I am sorry but I just can't be with someone that has me feel belittled, scrutinized or talked down to ?

Hey handsome successful man ... Gosh you have amazing genetics but your emotional intelligence... Needs work and I don't need more students ..

Can I stay in my authentic truth in every moment or do I fall to my own human ego flaws ? Do I even know what authenticity is or do I jump back into codependent patterns gained from being raised amoung addicts, trauma and abuse ? Turns out... I step a toe or sometimes even fall in with all my clothes into that trap.. I flail around wildly for about 3 hours to 3 weeks before I go .. what the hell .. it happened again !

Oh wait .. that's just bad neural programing, that's amygdala hijackings, that's people pleasing wrapped up in a cute outfit and flirtation. I wanted to feel loved and forgot it comes from WITHIN before anywhere else for a few moments there ... Whoops that's ok- I am after all only human.

Right... That's why I am casual dating as a way to work on these things. Only really when your practicing with real situations and real people can you catch red flags, practice empathetic communication, practice asking for your needs, sharing your feelings and being an ok and safe space for others to do the same.

.... This experiment and experience is not so easy .. AND I am learning...

Thank you Masters

The lessons really do keep coming and yes I still am one of the best students..just a little stubborn at times

💋 💋

XOXO

Cherish-Nicole